Free shows put spotlight on better manners

Judy Vankevich, also known as the Manners Lady, is performing in two free concerts in Penticton this weekend.

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Penticton is bringing in the big guns of the manners world to rectify a local imbalance between naughty and nice.

The Manners Lady, also known as Judi Vankevich, will be doing two concert presentations this weekend for free — sponsored by local individuals interested in fostering civility.

“All the schools in British Columbia have a mandate of teaching social responsibility. That sounds so fancy and high-falutin’, but to a kid, what in the world is that? Social responsibility, they need it spelled out for them,” she said.

“It means being respectful. What does being respectful mean? It means being a good listener. It means telling the truth. It means letting others go first. It means letting others have the bigger piece.”

In addition to three shows at local schools, Vankevich has scheduled two shows that are open for the community. Saturday at 6:30 p.m., families are invited to Bethel Church at 945 Main St. for a free show. All ages are welcome, as the show is designed for young and old alike — even super surly teenagers.

“Teenagers want to know, ‘What’s in it for me? Why should I be respectful?’ When kids get it, amazing doors open for them when they are respectful and when they are grateful,” she said, adding relationships change when teens thank their parents for everyday things like cooking dinner or a ride to a soccer game. “We do those things anyway. But when they’re grateful, it makes those things even more of a delight.”

Her show blends music, stories and fun to weave the tale of how following the “golden rule” — do unto others as you would have them do unto you — can snowball into making the world a better place.

“I always knew I wanted to make a difference in the world, but I always thought it was going to be in politics,” she said, explaining how she studied foreign and domestic policy as part of graduate studies in government and law in preparation for the political realm.

To make some money while studying in the States, Vankevich began teaching modelling — but noticed a great deal lacking from her students.

“It was so superficial. I thought these girls need more character, they need more life,” she said, adding she opened up her own agency devoted to teaching inner and outer beauty among teenage girls.

That’s when she encountered former Miss America pageant winner Terry Meeuwsen, who encouraged her to reach kids before they hit adolescence. “I decided to teach them character, and to teach them character, I would teach them manners,” she said.

She sings about the “Bad Manners Monsters,” or six characters that represent the various forms of disrespect including Grouchy Rouchy, Messy Bessy, Whiney Rhino, Grabba Jabba, Slobbo Roo and Wiggly Jiggly. She teaches small things like looking into others’ eyes when introducing yourself, respecting elders, greeting others on the street — things that go a long way in relationships, families and communities in general.

“Manners are an outward expression of your inward character,” she said. “You can’t see someone’s character. What you can see are their actions, you can see their attitude and you can hear their words. But it’s got to start in the heart.”

Vankevich said she was called by a Penticton resident shortly after a 55-year-old Penticton woman was allegedly killed by her common-law partner, news which came hot on the heels of another high-profile kidnapping and sexual assault alleged to have happened in town as well.

She said anger issues are typically behind violent offences, and children need to be given tools to control their anger early on to prevent problems from persisting.

That’s why Vankevich is tailoring her message to parents this weekend as well. She is putting on a special workshop on Sunday just for parents at 7 p.m. at Penticton Vineyard Community Church, 102-1825 Main St., as part of a National Manners Month kickoff that encourages families, teachers, coaches, businesses and other leaders to challenge each other to having better manners.

“I don’t think it’s too late. Manners can be taught instantly. You can teach anyone to shake a hand,” she said. “These little niceties make the world go around. Manners are the oil that lubricate society.”

For more information, visit www.themannerslady.com or www.nationalmannersmonth.com.