As I leaned over to prune a small branch in my hazel nut orchard, I felt two wet lips and a rasping tongue slurp across the back of my neck.
Startled, I spun round to meet face to face a teary eyed female deer. Shocked, it fell back on its bum with three good legs pointing in my direction like a three-pronged phalanx. Poor sod I thought. It only has only three good legs. I have frightened it to death.
I glanced beyond the mama deer and noticed its fawns nestled in the undergrowth. I panicked, expecting mama to swing at me with one of its good legs and land a sucker hoof. But it did not happen. I wondered if I should phone 911 and request an ambulance. Perhaps mama could be taken to Penticton hospital and fitted with a prosthetic leg by one of the orthopedic surgeons.
Then I thought I could strap a piece of two by four to its stump; anything to steady it on its pins while it is gourmandizing on my flowers. I also speculated throwing it into the back of my truck and taking it to City Hall. It could speak for itself during question period and then maybe city council might recognize we have a deer problem.
It looked like the deer had been there for a few days. The garden is festooned with shiny ebony deer marbles which might pass for black pearls, and it seems the deer and its fawns are bedding in for the summer. Where I will put the summer visitors I do not know.
The phlox flower heads are nearly all gone and the mock orange have giant clumps missing. Obviously mock orange is not high on their favourites list. As to be expected, the roses have all been ravished but the nasturtiums are still good. I remember from last year that deer do not like nasturtiums.
A garden is a manifestation of euphoric bliss and brilliant splendor and pungent perfumery. For someone to suggest using noxious smells to keep the deer out of the garden is an anathema to the majesty of the garden. Surrounding the garden with a Stalag Luft 111-type prison fence looks awful. To spread nets over the flower beds defeats the purpose of flower beds.
Of course there will be a tragedy. A deer will strike out in fear and someone will get hurt. Our city council, being the quintessential politicians that they are, will blame someone else when a tragedy does occur. This is what politicians do to hide their intransigence.