As I leaned over to dig up a winter-killed bush growing among the hazel nut trees in my garden I felt two wet lips and a rasping tongue slurp across the back of my neck.
Startled I spun round to meet face to face a teary-eyed female deer. Shocked, it fell back on her bum with three good legs pointing in my direction like a three-pronged phalanx. Poor sod I thought. She only has three good legs. She was probably a victim of a predator and now I have frightened her to death.
I glanced beyond the mama deer and noticed her fawns nestled in the undergrowth. I panicked, expecting mama to swing at me with one of her good legs and land a sucker hoof to my head. But it did not happen. I wondered if I should phone 911 and request an ambulance. Perhaps mama could be taken to Penticton hospital and fitted with a prosthetic leg by one of the orthopedic surgeons. Then I thought I could strap a piece of two by four to her stump; anything to steady her on her pins while she is gourmandizing in my garden. I also speculated throwing her into the back of my truck and taking her to city hall. She could speak for herself during question period and then maybe city council might recognize we have a deer problem.
It looked like the deer had been there for a few days. The garden was festooned with shiny ebony deer marbles, which might pass for black pearls, and it seemed the deer and her fawns were bedding in for the summer. Where I will put the summer visitors I do not know!
A garden is a manifestation of euphoric bliss, brilliant splendor and pungent perfumery. City council is suggesting using alternate methods to control deer damage. For someone to suggest using noxious smells to keep the deer out of the garden is an anathema to the majesty of the garden. Surrounding the garden with a prison-type fence looks awful. To spread nets over the flower beds defeats the purpose of flower beds.
The current council is dealing with this problem in the same way as previous councils. They are creating an exponential problem. Procrastinating will only cause deer to multiply, to the point where it will be more difficult to deal with. Of course there will be a tragedy. A deer will strike out in fear and someone will get hurt. Our city council, being the quintessential politicians that they are, will blame someone else when a tragedy does occur. This is what politicians do to hide their intransigence.