Santa Parade in downtown Penticton in 2019, the last time the city hosted the popular Christmas parade. (Brennan Phillips Western News)

Santa Parade in downtown Penticton in 2019, the last time the city hosted the popular Christmas parade. (Brennan Phillips Western News)

Letter: The council who stole Christmas in Penticton

Resident pens poem in jest about “King and council of royal bike lanes” who cancelled Santa parade

Editor:

Once upon a time in Penticton lived the king and council of the royal bike lanes. Rumours were rampant that the Christmas parade was cancelled. Santa sent his crisis team Cheap and Skate to deal with the Christmas Scrooges.

They knocked on the golden doors of the Council of the Royal bike lanes. A giant taxpayer money bag opened the door. The mayor was fast asleep at his golden throne. The other councillors rode golden tricycles around the chamber as they threw taxpayor money in the air. Gleefully shouting “spend, spend, spend.”

Cheap and Skate said we are here about the cancelled Christmas parade. All of a sudden everyone stopped in their tracks. The room was dead quiet. The Mayor quickly woke from his nap and shouted “we decree no Christmas parade.” He swept aside piles of taxpayer hundred dollar bills looking for his royal crown.

Cheap and Skate said, “Santa wants to know why no Christmas parade.” We have no money shouted the Mayor as he pushed aside mountains of taxpayer cash. The elves asked did you not just spend $110,000 on a bike lane snow plow. The councillors all yelled we need that plow for the royal bike lanes. The royal maintenance manager was polishing his golden plow in the corner asking,”Does anyone know how to install the flat screen TV?”

The Mayor, deep in thought, then said it is because of COVID-19. People cannot group together, he exclaimed. The elves then stated you just allowed a few thousand people to group together at a Vees hockey game indoors.

The Mayor and council then huddled together tying to come up with a answer.

The Mayor then shouted “I got it.” The council and Mayor then gleefully stated: “Santa needs a permit and we just gave the last one out to BC Housing.” The Mayor and council were patting each other on the back stating “great answer.” The elves stated Santa will not be happy and the children sad. The Mayor sat back down on his throne and made a taxpayer cash pillow out of hundred dollar bills.

He then fell asleep. The councillors then escorted the two elves Cheap and Skate out the golden doors shouting “Bah humbug”

Mike Hawley

Penticton

READ MORE: Penticton goes another year without the Santa Parade